And here is the Second letter Hannah has sent. Again the original article is below:

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to you regarding a job advertisement I have seen on www.reed.co.uk.

In the current financial climate, with millions of people searching for jobs at any one time, many recruitment agencies are lazy and complacent in their advertising. What’s more, any applicants for such vacancies are often treated poorly from that point on. Well, why not? If they don’t like it, there’s a long queue of people to take their place. Any job seeker will comment that they are not even awarded the courtesy of a rejection email in most cases. Anyone with “fantastic IT ability” would be able to facilitate this in around 10 minutes or less.

With the high volume of applicants you must receive for your own, internal positions, you must have the very best people available. After all, why not invest time and skill in making sure your job advertisements are the most inspiring and informative to be found? Or do you presume that people are so desperate that they will apply for anything, no matter how poorly constructed and shockingly written it is?

The job advertisement I am referring to in this particular case is ”Customer Service – Non Call Centre”. Here is the article in question. I’d give it an E-. Did anybody actually proofread this?! Was it written in Spanish and translated into Afrikaans, then Cantonese, then Klingon, finally reaching English? It makes so little sense, that I have completely re-written it. The corrections are in red. Comments are in blue.

Here at Ascendant Recruitment we have a fantastic opportunity to join a company that is the busiest in Milton Keynes!!

Here at Ascendant Recruitment, we have a fantastic opportunity to join one of the busiest companies in Milton Keynes! The double exclamation mark makes me feel nauseous, but I suppose it’s just personal taste, really.

A growing company you will need to have the ability to be able to pick up and use different systems, use your fantastic customer service skills on the phone and be happy and smiley whilst doing it.

Our client is a growing company, in which you will need the ability to be able to pick up and use different systems and utilise fantastic customer service and telecommunications skills. Again, “happy and smiley”? pass me the bucket. I doubt anyone is being fooled. Also, if you read sentences aloud, you can usually tell where minor things such as commas or semicolons should be placed. If it sounds like a small child reading a script, try again.

This role is not dealing with complaints it is organising people.

This role is all about organising people; not dealing with complaints. Hmmm… it sounds better, but I can’t shake the feeling that this is a poor and horrific LIE.

You will need customer service experience and fantastic IT ability

For this role, customer service experience and fantastic IT ability are essential.

They are looking for candidates that are able to commit for a minimum of 6 months as this role has real potential becoming permanent.

Candidates must be able to commit to this role for a minimum of six months, as there is real potential for a permanent position.

Please apply today or call for more information

Please apply today, or call for more information on [telephone number].

To summarise, please give a little more time and respect to job seekers. Imagine how you would feel struggling with the demeaning, depressing, essentially hopeless search for work, and appreciate the world of good you could do just by talking to people as if you don’t presume they are desperate, brain-dead slobs. I have a job that required no formal qualifications or relevant experience to obtain, and I have managed to write in better English than somebody you have paid to do so.

I hope you can take this review in good humour, and please, PLEASE regard my feedback.

Yours faithfully,

Hannah Langston

The following is an email my girlfriend has sent to a recruitment agency in reference to a job they have advertised. (below the letter is the original advert)

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to you regarding a job advertisement I have seen on www.reed.co.uk.

In the current financial climate, with millions of people searching for jobs at the same time, many recruitment agencies, (not including yourselves, I’m sure), are complacent in their advertising and down-right rude to applicants. Applicants often require completely irrelevant and unfeasible qualifications and experience for the most entry-level and low-skilled jobs. What’s more, the majority of job applicants for such vacancies are not even awarded the courtesy of a rejection email. It’s not as if you would have to write letters in your own blood, or chisel it onto marble and have it rolled to the receiver on logs. A short, apologetic, generic email would do it. I could figure out how to do this, and I don’t even have a doctorate in sports science!

You may be wondering whether there is a point to this letter. There is, and it is this: with the hundreds of applications you must receive for your own, internal positions, you must be employing “la crème de la crème”; people who “can be an effective team player, work to strict deadlines, and occasionally work on their own initiative”. Therefore, your job advertisements would be truly inspirational; a stunning reference for your company that potential applicants could not possibly resist. Or do you presume that people are so desperate that they will apply for anything, no matter how poorly constructed and shockingly written it is?

The job advertisement I am referring to in this particular case is “Class 2 (c) Drivers Required”. Below, you will find a copy of this text, with corrections. I’d give it a D-.

Our client is looking for 5 class 2 drivers to join there busy haulage and distribution company in Milton Keynes.

-          “There”? You mean “their”, surely. A primary school child could have pointed that out.

The client specialises in general haulage, contract logistics and pallet distribution.

The role will include.

-          That’s the end of the sentence, then? I suppose the role won’t include anything, after all.

Delivering Freight to NDC’s and Customers

-          Plurals do not use apostrophes. Not even in acronyms. (Just to be clear, an apostrophe is a ‘ one of those.)

Up to 10 drops a day.

General haulage runs.

Safe delivery of loads.

Excellent knowledge of driving laws

Daily vehicle checks

Completion of paperwork.

The ideal drivers will be happy and confident with the requirements above and have the following skills.

-          See above.

Hold a valid UK class 2 driving licence.

More than two years class 2 experience.

Hold a Valid Digi tacho card.

No more than 6 points on your licence

-          This one is a little pedantic, but while we’re here, if you read the last point as an independent sentence, you’ll see that it makes no sense.

“The ideal drivers will … have the following skills. No more than 6 points on your licence”

-          Wow, that driver had better give me my license back! They’ll get points on it!

So in summary, please give job seekers a little time and respect. They are going through an awful lot and it is absolutely soul-destroying. I hope that this letter has been informative, and that you have been able to laugh at yourself, while taking note.

Yours faithfully,

Hannah Langston

 

And the original job advert, copied directly from the site is as follows:

Class 2 (c) Drivers Required

• Milton Keynes, Buckinghamshire
• £8.00 – £11.00 per hour
• 7 applications

• Job type: Permanent, full-time
• Date: 6 days ago
• Reference: 21636569

More jobs from Pertemps

Our client is looking for 5 class 2 drivers to join there busy haulage and distribution company in Milton Keynes.

The client specialises in general haulage, contract logistics and pallet distribution.

The role will include.

• Delivering Freight to NDC’s and Customers
• Up to 10 drops a day.
• General haulage runs.
• Safe delivery of loads.
• Excellent knowledge of driving laws
• Daily vehicle checks
• Completion of paperwork.

The ideal drivers will be happy and confident with the requirements above and have the following skills.

• Hold a valid UK class 2 driving licence.
• More than two years class 2 experience.
• Hold a Valid Digi tacho card.
• No more than 6 points on your licence.

Application questions

Two years class 2 experience? Yes No

Hold a valid uk digi card? Yes No

No more than 6 points on your licence? Yes No

look what i found!

So, i found it in Waitrose here in MK.  The company website on it is www.ubuntu-trading.com And it tastes good!